


In Which Stern Quits His Job and Becomes a Member of the Pineguard

by thegreatandpowerfultoaster



Series: Butterfly Effect [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Amnesty (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-23 12:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18151937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatandpowerfultoaster/pseuds/thegreatandpowerfultoaster
Summary: Barclay shakes his head and smiles as he takes the bowl of unevenly cut celery (oops) and he's most definitely flushing again, and it's so cute that he can make this huge intimidating man flush like that. "No, but I'm sure I can convince her. Do you want to? I can ask her...I can ask her tonight. "Stern nods enthusiastically and leans forward towards him before he realizes how ahead of himself he's getting here and how absolutely unprofessional this all is and takes a large step back. "I mean I've got to make some calls first but -"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways this is going to become a short thing now, sorry.

He's tired. He's exhausted and it's only nine AM. 

And honestly? Stern kind of wants to just go home, and admit defeat. He's not adverse to the fact that he's a fucking joke, and it's not just an Amnesty Lodge thing, either. 

They think he's a joke, even back home. 

But at least if he tried some other career he  _could_  go home at the end of the day after all the  _fucking. Constant. Failure._

And it it isn't that he doesn't like Kepler, because it's one of his favorite places he's ever been, actually. He's just so, so horribly tired.

Stern has spent all morning on what he's sure was a joke lead, coming from the kid that works on  _The Lamplighter._  Out in the woods, and in the cold, and he'd still managed to find nothing. 

He collapses in the chair at one of the small tables in the lobby. Maybe he can try to get his thoughts together and find something else to go on today, so he's not stuck wallowing. 

It's so ridiculous -well, all of this is pretty ridiculous if he's being honest, but it's especially ridiculous how sure he is that there's still something here. Maybe it doesn't even matter. Maybe-

"Pancakes?" A voice interrupts his thoughts. "I know you like them, and it uh...seems like you've had a long mornin' already so I kept some warm for you."

A long sigh escapes him and he manages a smile that is probably just a little better than polite. He likes Barclay.  _Really_  likes Barclay. He's maybe the only person who even pretends to take Stern seriously.

And he's good company and a fabulous cook. A part of him wonders why Barclay's here, instead of working some five star restaurant even farther east. 

Sometimes he jokes that he's like to take Barclay back home with him so he wouldn't have to eat anything else. It's mostly a joke. Stern likes his company even more than his cooking, and Barclay seems to think it's funny.

"Thanks. Are you finished for the morning?"

He nods and smiles a little . "Lunch is just going to be sandwitches, I hope that's alright. So yep, but I should probably start dinner soon. It's going to be a little more crowded than it usually is over here."

Barclay doesn't seem especially happy about that, but why is that? He'd think that more business would be great for the Lodge, and they've talked enough for Stern to know that Barclay enjoys his job. 

"Why's that?"

He shrugs a little. "Got a few people coming in to talk to Mama. Don't worry about it, place will still be quiet by nine. What are your plans for the day?"

"I hadn't had anything else. As you can probably guess, my lead was useless. I do need to talk to Mr. Chicane  about something later, if he happens to be around."

He turns away and flushes a little, and Stern is certain that he's not just imagining it. "You could help me with dinner, if you wanted? You don't have to its just...I'd appreciate the company?"

With the way today has started, he hadn't been expecting things to look up at all. And he didn't know a thing about meal prep. But company? He could do that, especially for Barclay. "I'd love that."

Barclay smiles at him. "Thanks. You know, I've tried to tell everyone else you aren't so bad."

His laugh starts to turn into an undistinguished snort before he can catch it. "Well, thanks. That's the best I can hope for, I suppose. You aren't so bad yourself." 

(Stern wants to tell him that he thinks Barclay's wonderful, but it seems too soon.)

They sit there and smile at each other, and it's nice. Really nice, actually. This has most definitely been the highlight of Stern's day so far. 

But of course it has to end, but he's been so sucked into the moment that the sound of a door loudly shutting nearby and the sound of Ms. Aubrey Little yelling nearly knocks him out of his chair. 

"Barclay! Mama needs you! Secret meeting! Very secret! We need to talk about super secret things and Duck's boyfriend is also here because it's that important!"

A  _"Hey"_ echoes down the hallway then, clearly from Ranger Newton.

It's very hard to take anything Ms. Little ways seriously. She is often saying ridiculous things, and that's really why he's not out of his seat and trying to peak in. It's probably just lunch or something, when both Mr. Chicane and Ranger Newton have this time off.

He was going to try to catch the former, but it sounds like he's busy and Stern doesn't really want to work anymore today because it will all just end up like this morning.

And also Stern is still kind of smiling in the direction that Barclay just rushed off in and not thinking about much else. 

 

 

* * *

 

 "Holy fuckin' shit, Aubrey," hisses Duck as the door shuts loudly behind Barclay. "You gonna be any more obvious or should we just tell 'im what were doin' here?"

She gives a little shrug. "He's not going to suspect anything if it's all out in the open. "

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, Aubrey," Mama rolls her eyes but takes no further action, and if Barclay had to guess why, it'd be the very calm looking Indrid Cold sitting on the chair just in front of Duck. 

It had been...actual years since he'd seen Cold, actually which made him a little worried about just how important tonight's meeting is. But Indrid doesn't look worried. He's just sitting quietly with a small smile on his face.

"What are we talking about?"

Everyone turns to Barclay once he's asked. And Aubrey is wiggling her eyebroys, Duck quickly looks away and towards the ground. Indrid's small smile slowly grows into his trademark full blown grin.

"We gotta keep Stern outta the lodge," says Mama, leaning forward on her elbows. Barclay unfortunately can already see where this is going and it is not fabulous. In fact, it's terrible, it's an awful idea. "Like, while Vincent and Janelle and everyone are here. But just until they leave, after dinner."

 He understood that, of course. Vincent had not been the most subtle person when Barclay had known him. He doubts that if Stern were able to question him, that Pineguard business would stay Pineguard business for long. "I...I mean I already asked him to cook dinner with me."

The room goes absolutely batshit crazy at that point. Aubrey and Indrid high five, at the same time that Duck and Ned hand Mama both what appears to be a large sum of money and there is a lot of yelling all of the sudden. Barclay only catches bits and peices.

_"Holy shit I ship it!"_

_"Not my fault you decided to make a bad bet, Ned."_

_"I was gonna give it another week, is all. "_

He doesn't really know what any of that means, honestly. The yelling is sort of frightening, and so he attempts a loud cough. They all quiet down quickly and look at you. "What...What are we talking about?"

"Oh nothing," smiles Aubrey exactly like she would if it was something. "Just, you started out wanting to stay very, very far away from Agent Stern and now you want him in  _your_  kitchen spending time with you."

And Barclay doesn't really have a good argument for that one, because all of that is true. 

So he just sort of shrugs. "He's a nice guy. He doesn't mean anyone any harm-"  _except to you_ , a small voice whispers in the back of his head. But then he thinks about every time he'd talked to him and it's kind of hard to believe. "-and I actually feel really bad that we've all been laughing him off for months. He looked really tired this morning."

"I..." Mama starts and then shakes her head. "I trust you. I know that you know what you're doing. But I also know how you get when you start this sort of thing."

Barclay doesn't know what she means by that, but he nods. "So you're asking me to keep him in the kitchen while they're here? That's all?"

"At all costs," Nods Ned, sounding ominous. 

"I....I think I can do that."

"You have to," Indrid says, still grinning. "It's of the utmost importance. But you'll do fine. Probably."

 _That's reassuring._ "I...Alright. Thank you?" 

 

Barclay ends up forgetting about that conversation, mostly until he runs headfirst into Aubrey (or maybe Aubrey runs headfirst into him?) And does that eyebrow wiggle thing again. "Hmm, so what's for dinner?"

 "Uh..." He says. "I was thinking tuna casserole. Why?"

 She gives a shurg. "It was going to be a euphemism, but I didn't get that far. That sounds tasty, though."

"Oh." He doesn't really know what to say to that, so he just walks away and decides to find Stern. He must be in his room since he doesn't seem to be anywhere else, so Barclay carefully knocks on the door.

It opens, and strangely enough Stern isn't in his full formal regalia but in a black turtleneck and slacks. It's probably what he would consider casual, being that it's the most 'casual' thing Barclay had ever seen him wear in the months that he's been in Kepler.

 "Hi," says stern and that's when he realizes when he's staring at him. And mumbles back a quick  _'Hi'_. "You want to start dinner now?"

Barclay nods. "I...I honestly didn't think you'd want to help. But...Yes."

Stern smiles then, it's a little wobbly and lopsided but Barclay likes it. 

A lot. 

He wonders what else he can do to make Stern smile because every time he sees it he's absolutely sure that if Stern knew.... _certain things_  about him that he'd understand, smile knowingly and wouldn't do a thing to harm Barclay or his makeshift family.

They mosey slowly out to the kitchen (although Barclay does attempt to rush the process a bit when he sees Mama step out onto the porch).

"Okay," says Stern. "Just point me in the direction of where I can start."

 "There are-" Oops. He hadn't gotten far enough to think about that. "There are maybe two celery bunches in the fridge, could you wash and cut those into relatively small pieces? I'm sorry, its...It's a lot of chopping."

"It really isn't, you're cooking for a lot of people."

* * *

 

 

Things get quieter after that, but Stern doesn't really feel like it's an uncomfortable silence. 

Barclay turns around to face him, while working on opening a can of what smells like tuna fish.  "Did you....Did you get a lot done today? After this mornin', I mean."

Well....well he isn't going to lie. There'd be no real use in that and maybe talking about it would help. 

No, no that was stupid, but he wanted to tell Barclay anyways.

"Actually, I've been thinking about quitting."

There. There, it was out there now. A real possibility with just as real consequences. Barclay looks suprised. "Oh? I thought you liked your job. Like, a lot."

"I mean, I do. But it's...I kind of just want to go home and do something a bit more mundane...Like, get a cat, maybe?" He thinks that was supposed to be a joke, so it's good Barclay smiles like it was. It just sort of came out but it certainly isn't a bad idea. "You know, something I won't get laughed at for."

He keeps chopping celery into teeny tiny prices and moving them into a large bowl. 

"Well, uh. If that does end up being the case I'll miss your company for sure."

"And I'll miss yours!"

 Stern feels a little silly once he's said it, but it sort of solidifies the other, unspoken part of his ideas. "You know, it's really beautiful out here. I've been a lot of places and I still think Kepler's my favorite. You don't happen to know if any houses for sale over here, do you?"

That part comes out like a joke, too so that maybe he can play it off as one, but he's immediately met by a response. "There are always the more permanent rooms upstairs-ah...I probably shouldn't have offered without asking Mama first, but if you're serious-"

"I would really like that." That maybe doesn't cut exactly how happy that offer makes him. "But uh, yeah....not really your place to give them out, huh."

Barclay shakes his head and smiles as he takes the bowl of unevenly cut celery ( _oops_ ) and he's most definitely flushing again, and it's so cute that he can make this huge intimidating man flush like that. "No, but I'm sure I can convince her. Do you want to? I can ask her...I can ask her tonight. "

Stern nods enthusiastically and leans forward towards him before he realizes how ahead of himself he's getting here and how absolutely unprofessional this all is and takes a large step back. "I mean I've got to make some calls first but -"

Barclay looks sort of sad, but resigned and really Stern should have just sucked it up and kissed him when the situation called for it. Damn. 

"Right," he says but it sounds forced. "I understand. I'm putting this in the oven now, it needs about half an hour. Can I-"

There's a loud crash outside the kitchen then, and someone tells "Pizza!" And Stern really can't help it if he leans out the doorway to see what is going on.

But Stern doesn't manage to catch even a glimpse because a heavy hand on his shoulder pulls him back out of the doorway. 

"This is a really bad idea," says Barclay , sort of awkwardly ducking his head and looking out the doorway. "And I'm never going to hear the end of it, but I don't think I care, so can I kiss you, maybe?"

Stern doesn't even care what the noise was now, he nods and they both just sort of have a go at it and it's messy but it's still really nice and he can't help but wonder how Barclay can be so gentle. He should've done this earlier.

Like, this morning earlier, after he'd been sweet enough to bring Stern pancakes, or even way, way before that in the first few weeks of him arriving in Kepler when he'd first had the idea.

They finally break apart, and Stern only manages to say, "I'll drive out and tell them I quit tomorrow, but-" before Barclays lips are back on his. Not that it's a bad thing. New, but it is very, very nice. 

"I'm really, really glad you're staying," he smiles. Stern says that he is, too. And he's glad that maybe this can be his home. He's been feeling homesick all day, but he really, really likes the idea that he doesn't have to be any more.

 "Me too. And if you want, I see a lot of making out in your future...Now  what do you plan on making for dessert?"


	2. Chapter 2

There were several more instances of kissing randomly while making an attempt at chocolate chip cookies before Ned burst into the kitchen.

No injuries were sustained thankfully, despite Stern falling off the counter where Barclay had been holding him, and then suddenly  _not_  holding him as soon as he'd heard footsteps.

And better yet, Ned didn't even say anything, just did a bad job at pretending not to notice and asking if dinner was ready. "Oh-and Barclay? We all need to talk later about how our diplomatic meeting went, exactly."

Good Lord, could they all be anymore obvious? They'd have to tone it down times ten when Stern moved to a more permanent room, or things were going to get messy real fast.

_When._

Maybe that was too hopeful of a word, Barclay thought as he dished up plates and handed as many as he trusted Ned to carry at once over.

Mama would not be happy with the proposition, he already knew that but he liked Stern and Stern liked him back, and that was enough to dispel any more of his short-term fears until later.

Once Ned was gone he looked back at Stern, who has since gotten up and brushed himself off and gone to lean on another bit of counter. "Sorry...I didn't think about what time it was. And I really, really didn't mean to drop you."

He smiles again, and makes and tries to fix his hair as he replies. "I forgot, too so don't feel bad. God, I feel really really good about all of this, but it's been....well, it's been a really long time since I've been in a relationship?"

He can say that all he wants, and Barclays not going to argue because it's be pretty bard to explain why the last long-term relationship he'd had was back in the early sixties.

Instead all he says is "Same, but I'm ready and willing to do my best. F-for you."

Stern pushes off from the counter and kisses him again, and Barclay thinks that particular action will never get old. "Me too. My bosses are going to be pissed, though. You can't even imagine-"

"Tell me about it?" He grins and before he might have been able to just brush it off as keeping him occupied but now he want s to hear  _everything_.

Even more so he wants to share everything, but that's a dangerous feeling to be having and despite the panic that's sort of just suddenly happening Barclay smiles and listens and tell himself that's for tomorrow Barclay to deal with.

And tomorrow Barclay does have to deal with it, unfortunately even though he's still sort of feeling at the fact that Stern is his boyfriend now (boyfriend? Yeah, he likes that) and all through breakfast he can't stop smiling even though it sort of hurts at this point and people keep giving him weird looks.

"So..." Says Dani over the weirdly comforting sound of the kitchen sink running. It's time for breakfast clean up, and she's always the first to offer help. "What's got you in such a good mood this morning?"

"Stern's quitting his job-"

She must think that's the end of it, because she cuts in there and smiles pretty widely too. "Oh, really? That's great news! Unless they send someone else down here but Kepler's a pretty quiet town so I don't think-"

"Actually, he wants to move to Kepler. He likes it here a lot and also we need to talk about it a little more but I think we're boyfriends?"

A plate falls in the sink but he can easily pass that off as carelessness. The silence he can't.

"Wait, we're talking about the same Stern, right? Agent Stern who wants to hunt and kill Bigfoot, Ay-Kay-Ay you? Because...I don't know."

"Yes, but he's quitting! That isn't going to be his purpose anymore and I..." Barclay sighs. "I get it, really. But I also really like him, and I think this could be really good for everyone."

"Okay," she says after a minute, but obviously isn't resigned to the idea with the way she won't even look back up at him as she goes to dry off her hands and heads for the door. "I want you to be happy, Barclay."

He wants to be happy, too.

 

* * *

 

Stern's done this, before. Having to go somewhere else to call in reports, but he's never...Never quit before. Not to say that he's never thought about it before, but definitely not as seriously as this.

The phone only manages one ring before it picks up. Well, here goes nothing. 

* * *

 

 

He  _is_  happy. He's happy with his family here at the lodge, and Stern makes him happy, with his sort of nervous smile, and the way he gets excited about it when people ask him serious questions about his job, and the way he looks when he's focusing very hard on something that he's writing down.

Is it selfish to endanger one to have a try at both of them?

Duck slides into the seat across from where he is sitting and trying to work out a dinner menu, think all of this out, and memorize the Pineguard's sandwich preferences all at once. "So uh..."

He looks up and blinks at Duck. "Yes? "

Duck looks incredibly uncomfortable. "I don't think I'm supposed to know this, but uhh Ned and Dani have both...It's come to my attention...Fuck. Look, I jus' figured it might be a good idea to talk to you, since I doubt anyone else is gonna wanna take your side on this."

"Y-You're going to have to be more specific than that, Duck." He scribbles down  _'Steaks and mashed potatoes'_ in the paper, before working furiously to erase it. No, he doesn't really want to leave the lodge if he can help it. the Cryptonomica was doing good and that meant it was busy in town and that made him nervous.

Hmm, what did he have things for here? Spaghetti, probably and Jake would definitely complain but-

"I think you gotta go for what makes you happy," Duck's voice interrupts that train of thought. He's pulled his hat over his eyes, probably to hide that blush that Barclay can see plenty clear anyways.

"Not...Not that I'd know about hiding relationships. Never done that, obviously. But...but I think that I can tell you with a lot of certainty that no one knows how long things are gonna last so sometimes you just gotta go for that shit."

He appreciates that advice, even with the lie interspersed. That's...that's good, but it's harder to do than just to hear. "Nothing's...Nothing's set in stone, yet but I really do appreciate that."

"I'll stick up for you no matter what happens, dude. Just uh...gott a get back now. To work. In the forest... Alone."

"Uh-huh. Tell Indrid I said hi."

"Oh fuck, yeah. I had that coming, sure."

He goes back to sort of squinting at the potential dinner menu and trying to not totally freak out until Mama comes and sits where Duck had been. "I've heard some interestin' rumors today, wanna talk this through, and you can maybe clear some things up for both of us?"

She always knows what he needs. "I think that's probably a good idea, but I don't know if you're going to be very happy with me."

She just states at him before rolling her eyes. "Did you miss the part where I told you I trusted you? I've known you longer than I haven't. Could I trust anyone if I couldn't trust you? But somethin's bothering you other than havin' my approval, isn't it?"

Barclay offers a small shurg. "Yes. I mean, I think so. I'm just worried that he might not stop investigating or something or not be happy here without work and it's pretty stupid-"

"It's not. We've been actively working to throw him off our trail from day one. You can make sure he doesn't-and yeah, Dani told me he wants to stay in Kepler, and there's a room upstairs if he wants it."

He definitely hadn't expected it to be that easy. well, it was a huge weight off his back. "R-Really?"

"Yeah. Keep your enemies closer and all that."

What's funny is that she didn't even really look like she means that.

Maybe she just wanted him to be happy...it's what she'd always wanted for all of them, and he knew that because that's always what they'd been working towards, but it was different to be in the receiving end of some of her less blunt methods of showing appreciation.

He's back to grinning like an idiot, but it doesn't last long because Aubrey breaks through the front door and at first glance it seems like she's gone rolling around in the mud for fun, which he wouldn't really put past her, to be hone.

"Uhh, hey? We've for a problem. Like a huge problem. Like, a really fucking big problem, guys."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that this is done I'm going to take some more requests over in my tumblr! So uhh if you want to see something else go ahead and pop in to my inbox at @ goodmorningaperture

Stern had been driving back after a rather uncomfortable phone conversation. He was nearly back to the lodge and despite the awkwardness of his sudden resignation he was feeling pretty great.

And then he saw it, because  _of course_ he ran into something serious now, not ten minutes after he had quit. And it was...

Well, he figured he'd probably manage to be more eloquent when he *actually* saw something. 

"What the  _fuck_  is that?!" He yells and pulls the car over. The lodge really can't be more than a mile or two away now, and there's no way he can make it before whatever that thing notices him, right?

It almost looks like a human, except for its a good two and a half times bigger, sort of pulsating, and  snarling, showing rows and rows of decidedly inhuman sharp teeth.

He slams on the gas, and he thinks that maybe he'll make it, maybe he won't but his brain won't really think anything other than,  _"What the fuck,"_  and _"Get away from that thing as fast as humanly possible"._

That's when it notices him, and he's left speeding down the road trying to outrun whatever that thing is. And for some reason, he's headed towards the lodge.

It's getting closer and closer, which is hard not to notice even with all the adrenaline pumping through him and the desperate desire not not look back at all and just keep driving. The lodge comes in to veiw, and suddenly Stern has an epiphany of sorts, and it goes something like this;

_Hey, I was right this entire time! There is someone going on in Kepler and I just quit! And the worst part, is that even with this thing coming at me, I think I'm happy that I quit because actually, I don't want to deal with anything like this ever again._

There are several problems with this. The first being that this is not the last he'll have to deal with things of this nature. In fact, in that particular department this only get worse from here in out. He ends up being good with that, once the situation is explained.

The second is that at some point he stops paying as much attention to the road or the thing, and suddenly he realizes that he is about to be sandwiched between that thing and one of the Lodge's guest wings. 

No amount of breaking is going to stop him at this point, he decides quickly and silently says his goodbyes to the place he had wanted to spend at least a little more time, his cute boyfriend, and also those cookies they'd baked last night and set out on the counter.  bake

And then he shuts his eyes and waits for the inevitable.

Hmm? That's weird. He really should be smashed into  _something_  at close to ninety mph by now. Does he really want to open his eyes to witness his last moments? No, not really.

So Stern waits some more and laments his (apparently) wasted career in UP, because even though there was no Bigfoot here there was definitely-

Wait? What is that noise? 

The car thuds loudly but it certainly isn't the sound of it being crushed like a soda can. And maybe it's just the adrenaline but he doesn't feel hurt at all...

"Get out of your car!" Yells Aubrey Little's voice, slightly muffled. "Stern! Get out!"

For some reason he ducks and rolls out of the drivers seat, which turns out to be surprisingly good idea since not a second later that  _thing_  has thrown his car up in the air and somewhere into the forest. 

Alright. Alright, then. He's got to save the lodge from being totally destroyrd, somehow, but will a gun even hurt this thing? It's hard to imagine the answer is yes.

Oh. Oh except apparently his help isn't needed, since Aubrey has just thrown a fireball at it which leaves it stumbling back into Ranger Newton, who has a broadsword, apparently. 

And that about does it for that thing, whatever it is-was? Ned Chicane is yelling and throwing his hands up, something about not even getting a chance to do anything.

"Well, we'll let you get the last shot on the real abomination!" Aubrey yells from the porch. 

"Excuse me! Excuse me, what was that?!"

He notices Mama and Barclay on the porch, then and they all seem to turn and notice him. 

"Fuck!" 

Aubrey laughs at Duck then, but it's clearly forced.

"What Duck means is, why don't you come inside and have some tea while we get this all figured out," It's Barclay, and he's smiling but it's not a real smile. It's more like the ones he got when he'd first got to Kepler. Forced and entirely unfriendly.

Why? 

 _Why?_  

They knew about all of this and they didn't tell him? 

However upset he's feeling, Stern still follows the small congregation inside, in front of a solemn looking Ranger Newton and behind Aubrey, who looks like she's trying to pretend that he hadn't seen her create a ball of fire from nothing and hurl it at a grotesque monster.

They walk to a part of the lodge that he hasn't seen before. Strange, but he's guessing that there are a lot of things at he'd thought were strange before that are suddenly going to make sense. 

Barclay disappears for a minute and comes back with tea, which he suspects will not do much for his nerves this time.

"You quit, right?" Asks Mama, gesturing towards a chair once everyone else has settled in. He doesn't sit, but he nods and tells her that was correct. "And you understand that if you ever tell  _anyone_  about any of this, not only will I get on your ass, there will likely be a full on war."

Although the implications were not entirely clear, Stern ends up nodding again anyways. Mama sighs a little and turns her gaze from him to the rest of them. "Well, it's just lucky that thing didn't come by in the middle of skiing season.  We can lure the abomination back here if we absolutely have to, but I'd rather deal with it elsewhere. Either way, looks like you're gettin' some new help from now on."

Everyone starts talking at once then, and Ned slaps his back a little too hard and Barclay flashes him a sympathetic look before Mama very eloquently tells them all to shut it.

"I'm sure Stern's wondering what the hell's going on, so I'll give him the short version. There's a gate in Kepler to a place called Sylvain. People live there. Not people like you or me, maybe but they're people all the same.  _Good_  people, Stern. At least mostly."

"Sylphs," Chimes in Aubrey, nodding. "The lodge is a home for the ones that have come across. Sometimes when they've come across they get seen and people call them other things. Like Bigfoot? Or the mothman? Or vampires? But they're good people, and you know them...so you won't hurt them, right?"

Stern's having a hard time comprehending all of this, but if the people at the lodge are these...Cryptids? "No, no Ms. Little I wouldn't hurt them unless they were bad. And I suppose I can understand why informing my...former bosses would be a bad idea."

Mama seems satisfied with that answer. "But sometimes things come out of that gate that you can't reason with, and then we've got a limited time to deal with them before lots of people will get hurt.  So. You can stay here and help us out, or you can walk out that door and not tell a soul any of this, or what you saw out there."

It's not a hard decision, is it? Yeah, that thing was beyond terrifying, but he couldn't leave now. He knew the truth-at least some of it, and that had been what he wanted ever since he'd joined UP. 

"Of course I'll stay and help. You'll  _let_  me stay?"

"As long as you can keep quiet, I'll let you do whatever the fuck you want," she counters. "Your room's upstairs when you want to start moving your stuff."

 

 

Barclay guesses that they maybe have a lot to talk about. And by maybe he means definitely and this will be...probably the least fun conversation of his life, since this is not at all how he'd intended Stern to find out about all of this.

They've all went their own ways by this point. It was lucky that Duck could come by as soon as they'd sighted the thing, and that Ned and Aubrey had been at the Lodge at the time.

It had not been as lucky when he and Mama had followed Aubrey out the porch to see a familiar black Toyota speeding towards the lodge with the monster behind it.

He decides after several minutes of careful deliberation that knocking on Stern's door is the best course of action if he wants to get this over with, one way or another.

The door opens to reveal Stern, and although he's just as neatly presented as he always is, he looks tired. "Oh...Hi. I've been meaning to talk to you since-

Barclay, being himself, immediately jumps to the absolute worst conclusion. "You want to stop this? "

"What? no! Unless you want to, I want you to be happy."

"I-no! I was just really worried that you  _did_."

Stern buries his head into Barclay's chest and wraps his arms around him. That feels just as much like home as any part of the lodge. Stern  _is_  home, as cheesy and as absolutely stupid as that sounds and he hopes that what he has to say didn't entirely obliterate any chance of this working.

Barclay pushes back and takes a really deep breath before looking at him. "I have to tell you something. You know how Aubrey said that sometimes people tell stories about us when they see us out of our human disguises? I mean, wait, you knew that I was a Sylph, right? That seems important to ask first."

"Yes to the first part, and I suspected. But it seemed rude to ask. Look, if you think I'm like...not attracted to you because of that I've got some really good news for you-"

"Oh...I mean, that's great, actually that's not what I meant though. I meant...You believe me when I say that I've never hurt anybody, right? It's just...wrong place at the wrong time kind of stuff?"

Stern looks confused. "Uhh, no, I don't think you'd hurt anybody? I mean, I  _know_  you'd never hurt anybody, but what's that got to do wi-"

"It'll just be easier to show you, but just remember that I'm still me, alright?"

He takes off his bracelet. The expression on Stern's face isn't anything close to malice, thank goodness. Or even fright.

"Holy fuck! I'm dating bigfoot. You make me breakfast every moning, how did I not-"

He holds up his bracelet with one finger. "I wasn't exactly obvious. And you made me so nervous at first...not just because you could find all of us out, but because I had to stay away from this cute nerdy guy. And then after months maybe part of me stopped caring how careful I was? No offense, darling but you're an awful detective. "

"I'll give you that one," he's flushing. "But only because I was sort of blindsided by the hot lodge staff I had to look at every day."

"You're looking at bigfoot. I don't know how you could still be attracted to me after this."

"Told you, you got lucky with my  _eccentric tastes._ "

Now he's the one flushing. Maybe it's hard to tell in this form, though. He hopes so. "Oh God. That's not the end of that conversation, but can I do anything to help you get settled in up here?"

They move a few boxes up and Barclay notices that the lodge seems more lively than it has been lately. He almost runs into Jake, going up the stairs and  Stern shoots him a look that's clearly begging for the explanation of that one. Barclay just smiles.

Dani and Aubrey stop by to help too, and welcome the newest member of the Lodge family, and Aubrey gets to recounts the story of how she'd used a very, very strong breeze to stop Stern from crashing. "Wasn't it awesome?"

He looks more than a little embarrased. "Actually, I had my eyes closed the entire time."

They all laugh and Dani offers to shake his hand. "We're putting a lot of trust into your hands," She says very gently. "And I don't think I have to give you the shovel talk, but if you hurt Barclay at all," she pauses to remove her ring and sort of smiles to show her teeth. "There will be a lot of people here who would be terribly disappointed in you."

Stern smiles his charming  _I'm-here-to-make-you-tell-me-everything-I-need-to-know-and-you're-going-to-love-it_ , smile, and shakes her hand. "I have no intention of doing so, but thank you for looking out for him."

"Then welcome to the Pineguard, Agent Stern."


End file.
